To be honest, I have never had this feeling before. And it did not feel good.
I am not going to suck it up and pretend it's okay for me to feel this way. I am not going to feel relieved until I write it all down.
Last Thursday, March 3rd, H&M released its ss17 studio collection. With the "See Now. Buy Now." strategy, we could buy the entire collection 8 hours after the show ends. Before this all happened, my all time favorite Taiwanese blogger Yu Lee (Yutopia) posted that she would be at H&M on March 3rd. I mean, c’mon, I knew I had to meet her because H&M was like 15 mins away and I had no classes.
I was expecting to have more fun. I was wrong. Totally wrong. Have you ever felt like you were left behind from anyone you care? It was like staying home on Friday night and watching your friends partying through their Instagram stories. It was like you are the leftovers from McDonald, which no one wanted to touch let alone even care. Just mins after the store opened, a group of famous bloggers walked in laughing and saying hello to each other. Watching them going Live on Facebook like it's no big deal in front of me, all I did was stand outside of the collection section and smile as if I did not care.
But no. I did care. I care not as a reader, but as a blogging starter.
Look at them. Glamorous, chic and really know how to dress up, just the way we expect fashion bloggers to be like. I am not saying that they didn't put in lots of effort and time before their success came. (Blogging is not a glamorous job. I am fully aware of that.) The feeling was definitely not directed to them. Instead, it was a lot more personal.
It felt as if I was that little journalist in a fashion show looking at Anna Wintour; as if I was just one of the million fans of Queen Bee. I felt so small. In front of me were all these stars, with all the talent and the best fashion tastes. These thoughts totally blew me away. "Look at me. What do I have to offer??" I felt so discouraged. It should not go wrong like this.
Later back home, I thought about it all over again. I told friends and of course, my mom, about it. That was when I came to a sudden realization—all experts were once beginners. Everyone had been looked down upon before. We all had that "knew nothing" moment, but we still made it work. Don't rush it. Good things come slowly and just give it time to grow. Nothing comes easily until we decide to fight for it. God will not give us anything we want overnight. We fight for it. We work for it. And that is what I am gonna do.
It's okay for us to feel discouraged or depressed, because sometimes we look too far. We look at the peak while standing on the hill. We forget where we are and who we are now. We have goals/dreams, but often have no patient.
This post is 60% dedicated to the future me. A post for the future Kinda Kai, who hopefully will get bigger and be much more confident. I am pretty sure I will never forget how I felt last Thursday, so small and just waiting to be seen
But we all have to start somewhere, don’t we?)